Monday, October 30, 2006
in celebration?
MOOD: kinda tired and sleepy..MUSIC: Like I Do - Blaque
I really had no idea it was a year ago today, until i was reminded of it. Then goes a trip down memory lane. It was okay. I looked back, but i didn't step back. Just reminisced about the good memories left etched in my mind and heart. It may sound ridiculous, but now, thinking of what-might-have-been's and what-if's no longer leave tear streaks down my cheeks. A sad, yet contented smile is left plastered on my face. I really have moved on. I haven't forgotten hm, but the feelings have long been gone. And just because i'm writing about this, doesn't have to mean i'm still living in the past. I've let go. Just allow me to let it all out here *para naman may decent entry uli ako diba?!:D*. And contrary to what i've earlier said, i don't think this will be the last time you're reading about this. Considering my previous entry, i might write again some time, of what and how i felt that time, but of course, outside the confines of a once-grieving heart.
But just for fun, happy anniversary. Hahaha.=))
Sunday, October 29, 2006
a momentary flashback..
MOOD: reminiscent..MUSIC: My Beautiful Woman - Backstreet Boys
1st year, 3rd term. I never even knew him personally, but i said i had a crush on him *sarcastic syempre, kasi hindi agad ma-getz ni Bhasti ba ibang tao ang tinutukoy namin*. Fast forward to eight months later, end of 2nd year, 1st term. Irish said, "Ate Nitz, likeable pala siya". Syempre naman, um-agree na rin ako para wala ng mahabang usapan.
2nd year, 2nd term. He was once again a classmate in an English subject. We got to know him well then, and we were fast becoming friends. Wala pa si Sir noon, i had to get something from my locker, and he accompanied me. E asa kantiyaw mode ata ang mga kaibigan ko. Tinukso kami. Ako, loka, sinakyan ko mga biro nila. HHWWPSSP tuloy kami sa corridor pabalik ng room namin. A few hours later, on the phone, sabi ko kay Irish, "crush ko na ata siya". Note: Friend talaga niya ang gusto ko, e ang kaso i gave it up for someone else. Ang labas, second option lang siya. Kaya ikaw, kung binabasa mo 'to (na alam kong oo), wag feeling, at wag masyado lumaki ang ulo mo, di ka na kasya niyan sa pinto paglabas mo.
At sa mga panahong ito naging memorable sa akin ang Magallanes. After ng class, ang ultimate foursome (me, Irish, siya, and friend) ay madalas makikitang nilalakad ang kahabaan ng Magallanes, mula school hanggang EDSA, where we would all wait for an Express jeep, so we could all get to Bicutan faster. At kung may oras pa, we'd have our siomai-siopao (or Pao-tsin dumplings) dinner at SM Bicutan food court. Kasunod pa ang isang mahaba-habang kuwentuhan.
Siya na marahil ang naging dahilan kung bakit napadalas ang pag-uwi ko ng gabi na. And ang reason kung bakit nakakarating pa ako ng Sucat sa pag-uwi. Kung bakit minsan, napagseselosan si Irish ng wala namang basehan at dahilan. Kung bakit nag-sign up ako for a Blogspot account. Kung bakit, sa tuwing naririnig ko ang kanta ni Sandara Park na Walang Sabit, napapangiti ako't napapasayaw.
But just like the opposite of the song, may sabit na siya. 5 looong years on his record, can you beat that? And i guess that's why it never really got to a point that i've totally fallen for him. Yes, i was falling, but i guess i was able to keep myself from falling harder and deeper in loved with him. I knew i was in for a heartache, and i couldn't afford it at that time. I knocked some sense into my head, and figured things out, before it got too late. Before my emotions got out of hand. Before my actions got beyond my control.
And i guess it was a good move on my part, getting over whatever feelings for him i had harbored within. I learned to see him differently, and i tried to maintain a close platonic friendship. And it had helped. I became more at ease around him. I slowly revealed more of myself to him, and him to me too. I felt a whole lot more comfortable being near him, linking my arms with his, and giving him occasional hugs and pecks on the cheek *without malice, of course*, at the same time, reminding myself that he's now JUST a friend to me.
In fact, i now consider him one of my bestfriends. He's like a life-line i can run to whenever something's bothering me, and same goes with him to me. He's just one of the few guys that i allow to see the really abnormal side of me, and not feeling afraid of being misjudged and unloved. Whatever and whoever i am, i know he loves me for being me. And for the friendship? It's the one thing that i am most grateful for.:)
Friday, October 27, 2006
a chance encounter..
MOOD: mesmerizedMUSIC: *highway traffic*
I'm still reeling at the fact that i'm seated across Bam (of PBB fame, a second close encounter) on the shuttle service i usually take going home, when in comes this guy, squeezing himself between Bam and a grade-school kid with eyeglasses. He bumped my knee, so i looked up. Initial reaction: ambastos, di man lang magsorry.
...
A second look at him and i notice how he has a striking resemblance to someone i know. Yun bang tipong 'now i know how he looks like with a cap on'. Ganon. First thing that got my attention, of course, are his eyes. Takla. Kung di lang siguro siya complete stranger, i would stare unabashedly at him. His profile undoubtedly showed how good-looking he really is.
...
Siyeet! Nahuli ata niya akong nakatingin. Pano ba naman kasi akong hindi tititig, e may itsura talaga ang mokong. For once, na-wish ko tuloy na sana traffic, para mapagsawaan ko muna ng husto ang mukha niya. And, take note, pareho kaming nakaitim *tama ba namang pati mga suot namin pagdiskitahan ko pa!? hahaha*.
...
Ayos. May build-up ng mga kotse sa toll-gate ng skyway, kahit pa e-pass ang van na sinasakyan namin. At least, i can ogle over him a bit longer. I can feast my eyes on him. Na-conscious naman ata, tingin ng tingin sa highway. Hahaha! Na-feel ata ang intensity ng mga titig ko. Kung may powers nga lang siguro talaga ang mga tingin, kanina pa siya tunaw sa kinauupuan niya.
...
Naman. Kung kelan nag-eenjoy pa ako, saka pa natapos ang trip namin. Makasabay ko kaya uli 'to next time? Haaay! Wish ko, diba? Sus. Asa pa ako. Hehehe.
*since no PC was available, and i don't own a laptop where i could easily document everything that happens to me anytime, anywhere, this entry is pre-entered on my phone (something i usually do), sent to myself, and posted 54 minutes later*
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
no more getting back..
MOOD: sleepy..MUSIC: Goodbye - Spice Girls
Here's a poem that i've written way back in 2003. I even had it posted in praning.com. Just wanna share, coz i know somehow, you can relate to it. If not now, maybe some time ago.
but it's not what i felt, it's not what you showed me
i'm the only one you love, you say
but i guess not, those were just games you play..
for many times i've said I LOVE YOU
ME TOO, you said, but were those true?
i stopped to think, things ran through my mind
maybe to all these, i have been so blind..
you always go and leave me behind
then you come back and tell me, PLEASE UNDERSTAND
you always say you need your space
but you also want to feel my embrace..
but here you go again, saying LET'S TRY ONCE MORE
telling me you need me, and that you love me even more
but as much as want to give us another try
i'm not sure if i still love you, so i'm saying goodbye..
*I still can't remember why i wrote this. Really can't.*
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
the break-up..
MOOD: muni-muni mode..MUSIC: Is It Worth It? - Allison Moorer
Just finished watching it. After seeing one episode of Friends, i've been a Jennifer Aniston fan since. Nwei, after seeing the movie, i realized how much of the movie reflected reality. Yeah, it's fictitious and all, but somehow, every situation and every dialogue was exactly how it happens in real life. If not, every line spoken was probably what every couple would have wanted to have said themselves. It's not about doing the things you love, it's about doing things with the one you love! Searched about reviews of the movie in the internet, and the movie kinda got bad reviews. But hey, i was pretty satisfied with the movie. The ending just kinda left me, you know, wondering why it ended that way. Oh well.
Friday, October 20, 2006
the bus stop..
MOOD: kinda sleepy..MUSIC: Panaginip - Crazy As* Pinoy
I'm about to log off and pack myself in, when my cousin forwarded me this text message. It's just so cute, that i couldn't pass up posting it here *and since i haven't got a more decent entry in mind*. Read on.
A situational question asked to a couple of hundred applicants: You are driving along, on a stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, where you see three people waiting. One, an elderly woman who's about to die. Two, an old friend who once saved your life. Three, the perfect mate you've been dreaming about. Who would you choose, knowing there could only be one passenger in your car?
One applicant was hired, because of this answer: I would give my car keys to my friend, and let that friend take the elderly woman to the hospital. Then i would stay behind and wait for the bus. With the person of my dreams.
Love it. Yeah, i know. Maybe the applicant hiring thingie isn't really part of the question, but nwei, i really thought it was cute.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
hello, anyone?!
MOOD: really f*ck3d up!MUSIC: Empty - Terri Clark
I'm really pissed off right now. Freakin' mad. Damn it! Anyone out there who's willing to house me in? Even for just a few days? I just wanna cool things down. Cool my head down. Keep me sane, people.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
just what i need..
MOOD: okay, i guess..MUSIC: Closer To Me - 5ive
I think i need a good cry. Something i haven't done in weeks now. Not that there's anything to cry about. I don't know. Yeah, it may sound insane, but i really think a good cry is what i need. Release all these tension and pressure inside. All these pent-up emotions. Just an outlet of all these emotional turmoil. I just wanna free myself from all these burden. Yup. I definitely need a good cry.
Monday, October 09, 2006
keeping you posted..
MOOD: okay sa alright..:DMUSIC: Always - Erasure
No. Nothing really new. I guess i just wanna let you all know i'm still here. I haven't gone on hiatus. It's not that nothing has been happening lately. On the contrary, with the rate things are going, i guess i just can't keep up with updates. Not because the excitement wears off easily, or my happy moments are short-lived. I think there's just no time to take a break and document everything. All's in my mind and heart.
My life right now is like a feel-good movie *with a few hang ups, but good just the same* on fast forward. And maybe that's one reason why i can't seem to pause and write things down. Coz if i did, i'm afraid everything will soon be over, and i don't think i'm quite ready for that. No. Not just yet.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
i have let go..
MOOD: bored.. again..MUSIC: My Love - Justin Timberlake
To let go is not to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It does not leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go is not about winning or losing. It is not about pride, and it is not about how you appear, and it is not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go is not blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and does not leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It is not about giving in or giving up. Letting go is not about loss, and it is not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It is about all that you have, all that you had, and all that ou will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.Based from this that i've read in christianster.com, confirmed. I've let go of what happened in the past. Thank God.
Monday, October 02, 2006
after the storm..
MOOD: bored..MUSIC: Someday - Nina
And with the title, i meant it literally. Hahaha.
I'm still a little hang up over the long weekend that passed. Kinda bitin nga eh. Tipong just when i was beginning to relax, back to work uli ako.
Thursday morning. I woke up coz it was raining hard outside, and i could see the trees outside swaying side to side. I honestly had no idea that there was a typhoon. Actually, i had, but i didn't think much of it. All there was in my mind was ang sarap pang matulog, di na ako papasok. I texted Arjay that i might not go to work. Malakas ang ulan, at baha. Siya na rin mismo nagsabi na wag na kaming pumasok. Little did i know that, it was actually going to happen later that day. 10 am, the power went out. By noon, it was like dusk already, since the skies were dark, and the rain poured hard. News (courtesy of our battery-powered am/fm radio) flashed that typhoon Milenyo *not Manilenyo, as what someone said, hahaha* will hit the area at 2pm. 2pm came, me and my brothers were outside, under the rain, goofing off. Ang saya diba? Hahaha.:D Then an hour later, biglang tapos na. Okay na yung panahon. Mahangin pa rin, pero di na masyadong malakas. May ulan pa, pero ambon-ambon na lang. We strolled around the village, and saw the devastation. Fallen trees. Lamp posts 45-70 degrees from the ground. Yung gate nga nung Bumbay na kapitbahay namin, bumagsak. Pagtingala namin ng bahay, kulang na yung antenna namin *na nilipad pala papuntang bubong ng kapitbahay namin*. And worst, walang kuryente.
Friday came. Exact opposite ng nagdaang araw. Umaaraw at mainit. At wala pa ring kuryente. Wala na rin sana akong balak pumasok sa work, kaso sabi ni Arjay pasok na lang kami, dahil baka pauwiin din kami pag ala pang power. E di kahit, i was cruising the crimson wave, i got ready for work. Only to be met by a non-moving traffic an hour later along EDSA *may mg billboards kasing bumagsak at nagkalat ang iba pang debris sa highway*. Naisip namin, magtext na lang sa IP namin na di kami papasok. At dahil wala ngang kuryente, at lowbatt si Arjay, we went to school *halos makalbo rin yung mga puno sa parking lot sa dami ng dahong nagkalat sa lupa*, headed for the CPO, and asked Miss Eloi kung pwedeng maki-charge ng phone. Moments later, dumating na rin si Miss Jona. At yun, bonding galore kami til lunch. Got home afterwards, and found out, la pa ring electricity. Ang tanging lifeline, ang telepono. Hehehe.
By Saturday, bored to death na ako. Ubos na battery ng mp3 player ko. Natapos ko na lahat ng Tagalog pocketbooks na nahiram ko. Tatlong araw na rin ata akong walang matinong inom ng malamig na tubig. So, what i did was, inaya ko si Ate Joan (teacher/border sa bahay) kung gusto niya manood ng movie. She said yes, since bagot na rin siya. Ton tagged along. We saw Zoom. Pag uwi namin, expected ko na. Wala pa rin kuryente. Haaay! Mahabang, maalinsangang gabi na naman.
Sunday 7 am. I woke up feeling cool air brushing against my legs. I opened my eyes, and saw the fan *which i switched on the night before hoping na bumalik ang power by midnight* na umaandar. Haaay! Sa wakas. Of course, bangon agad ako, bukas ng TV at nood maghapon. Charge na rin ng phone, sabay text kay Irish na may kuryente na kami. Note: Andaya kasi eh, sa kanila, Friday pa lang, may kuryente na sila.
Also, the day provided a family bonding moment for the whole family. Wala pa rin kasing kuryente kina Kuya, kahit na sa kabilang kanto lang namin sila nakatira *may malaki kasing poste ng kuryente na natumba sa malapit sa kanila*. We had lunch and dinner at our place. And things didn't end there. Kuya's family stayed the night. Inayos agad namin ang sleeping arrangements namin. Kuya nd Hipag slept on my bed. Ma and Jazmin *niece* slept on Ton's bed. Pa and CJ *nephew* slept in my parents' room. Me and Ton slept on Lola's.
It was more of a fun than a boring weekend for me. Too bad, i just can't extend it. Haaay!
