Wednesday, November 29, 2006
life after internship..
MOOD: melancholic..
MUSIC: Danny's Song
So, okay. I've been a bum now for little over a week, and i can honestly say that i miss going to work. I miss riding the jeep and MRT. I actually miss discussing our project with the big boss. I miss keeping myself busy. I miss earning money.:D
Fine, i admit. I've grown attached to the people i've worked with. It had been hard for me to say my goodbyes to them. If only i could have extended my stay with them, then maybe i would have. I'm even seriously considering taking up their offer, and work for them right after graduation.
After six months and two weeks of working for them, i know i've learned a lot, and i know i'm a better person, as a student, and as a future young professional. Aside from learning how to program, on my own, i realized that there's more i can do and that i'd never stop learning new things.
I discovered i could get my back off of bed early in the morning, and haul my ass off to work at 9 in the morning. I could commute to farther places this time, all by myself. I learned to brave the heat, and was able to force myself to bring along an umbrella when the weather wasn't really good.
I could be level-headed when the situation calls for it, and that, i can really keep sarcasm to myself. I learned to speak my mind in a respectful way, and i was made to realize that i'm not always the boss, i'm not always right, and that i can't always get my way.
I learned that i can do anything if i just set my mind and heart to do it, and actually finish it. I procrastinated and talked less, and worked more. I managed my time well. And i figured out how to deal with bosses without pissing them off and frustrating myself.
I could go on and on about my internship experience, but it will all boil down to the same thing. I miss it, and that i learned a lot from it.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 14:19
Sunday, November 26, 2006
still here, alive..
MOOD: bored..
MUSIC: *internet shop peepz*
It's been over a week since i last used the internet. Since i last checked everyone's blogs and Friendster's profiles. Since i last logged into my email accounts. Since i last felt i was productive. I've got so many things that i wanna talk, err write about, but i can't get my thoughts organized just yet. Maybe in a couple of days. Nwei, that's it for now. Just letting you know i'm still here. Alive. And kicking. And bored out of my wits.
*isa pa, sobrang ingay ng mga people dito sa internet shop, alang kuwenta mag-update..*
i've been Tin Nolasco at 19:05
Friday, November 17, 2006
saying goodbye..
MOOD: sad..
MUSIC: Stuck On You - 3T
My internship's officially over. I should be happy. But why was i holding back tears as we bade our colleagues goodbye? Yes, i had complaints. I ranted endlessly to my friends with all the work load. But honestly, i've grown to love what i was doing. I'm drawn closer to the people i worked closely with. There's this part of me that doesn't want to leave anymore. And yet, just when i was growing attached, the time to say farewell just comes sooner than i've expected. Damn it. I hate goodbyes.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 19:27
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
say goodbye..
MOOD: bored..
MUSIC: *tahimik ang paligid*
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
it's a smile on the face, but sad tears in the eyes..
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
it's pretending to be okay, when it's obviously a lie..
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
it's wanting to forget, yet you can't even try..
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
a hurting heart, a broken soul, things that you deny..
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
an understanding of things, but still asking why..
do you know what's left after saying goodbye?
basically none.. nothing left for you to get by..
*this is actually a poem, from the top of my head.. nothing significant, though..*
i've been Tin Nolasco at 15:44
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
parents speak..
MOOD: good for the day..
MUSIC: *office work buzz*
You know what's funny? It's having to hear my parents say good things about this guy they've no idea means a lot to me. My Pa goes on talking about how good of a person this guy is. Seems to me that they like him. And even without me telling them what i really think of this guy, they approve of him. Looks like i won't have a problem if i bring him home and introduce him to the whole family. Sad thing though, the guy has no idea what i feel for him, and even if he knows, i don't think he'd care. Coz for him, i'm just a friend. Oh well.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 08:48
Monday, November 06, 2006
what could be worse..
MOOD: sentimental mode in full gear..
MUSIC: O - Omarion
*i was reading this entry by Kai. i've already opened her comment box, and was about to type my reactions slash opinions slash sentiments, but my mind was suddenly filled with so much thoughts that i decided to write them down as my own entry. But of course, still in relation to her post.*
I can say i couldn't agree more. If only questions as such can be avoided. But no. If there's one thing that people can really be so interested in, it's one's lovelife, regardless of its status and situation. Not that it's a bad thing. In my case, it doesn't make me wanna wring their necks for asking me or anything, but sometimes, it makes me feel sorry for myself. And you know what makes it even worse? It's when you're surrounded by everyone else who seem to have someone in their life.
In a year, we can have at least one family get-together in every two or three weeks. And not just an ordinary foodfest with my Pa, Ma, lil bro, and big bro and his family. I'm talking about having aunts and uncles and cousins around. Cousins with partners tagging along. If only i can explain how i sometimes dread having to face everybody. Always the same question is directed to me, may boyfriend ka na? And i'd answer, no time for love po eh, with an unsure smile on my face. Of course, that's not the hard part. It's having to explain why, given all the circumstances, making them believe i'm happy with how my life is going on right now, without having to directly admit the inexistence of my lovelife.
And when everyone groups, the cooking mothers in the kitchen, the beer-bellied fathers out in the garden, and the cousins lounging in the living room, sometimes i'd resort to heading to our room and watch TV all by myself or read a book, rather than hang out with them. But of course, i can't always do that. I am forced to be around them. I so loove my cousins. It's just that sometimes, i feel left out. All girl cousins present are married. The guys, if not married, have girlfriends. Then, there's this round of questions of, oh ikaw, kelan ka naman mag-uuwi ng ipapakilala mo sa amin? Then i'd dryly reply, haay, sa dami nila, di ako makapamili, followed by a laugh. Luckily, after a few hirits here and there, a bit of sarcastic remarks and sadistic jokes, and mucho carino brutalism, i'll manage to turn their attention to some other cousin, and i'll just sit back.
Then i think to myself, ganito na lang ba ang papel ko sa tuwing magkakasama kami? Clown? And i guess that's the irony of it. Here i am, making their tummies ache from so much laughing, while i, on the other hand, has no one to make me happy. Not that they *cousins* don't make me happy, or that my family isn't enough to put a smile on my face, or that my friends couldn't give me the same amount of love and joy i'm looking for. They all can, and they do make my life meaningful and liveable. There just comes a point, when the hopeful(hopeless?) romantic in me, seeks for something more.
Everyone says, wag mong antayin, darating din yan. But still, i can't help but wonder kelan? Or if worse comes to worst, darating pa nga kaya? I try to focus on other things, like my studies or internship for example, but when i've got nothing else to do but think, there i go again, analyzing and dissecting my so-called lovelife. Then this unsettling feeling of being a failure in the love department scares the hell out of me.
*i don't know how to properly end this, so i guess i'll leave it hanging for a while.*
i've been Tin Nolasco at 22:52
