Thursday, July 27, 2006
Happy Birthday, goodbye..
MOOD: emo mode..MUSIC: I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy feat 112 & Faith Evans
It wasn't easy to cope with the loss
We were all left in sorrow and pain
We wondered when will we see you again.
You've always had so much to share
Your wit, your trust, your love, your care
You've been like a mom to your nephews and nieces
Us, your apos, you gave us lots of hugs and kisses.
But even if you left us all broken and sad
Somehow, deep inside, we also felt glad
We all know you're now at a better place
You've finally seen our dear Saviour's face.
You watch over us, as you sit by His side
Beside Him to protect us, to guard and to guide
Though it's kind of hard with you not around
We all know you're in heaven, smiling down.
In our hearts' where we're keeping you
All of your memories, we'll treasure them too
With much love from all of us kids
Happy Birthday Lola, you will surely be missed.
I made and lovingly dedicate this poem to my Lola (grand aunt), the late Mrs Semproniana Quebral Aniban, who passed away last Saturday, July 22, five days short of her 92nd birthday, which is today. I love her, the whole family does, and we will surely miss her.
Friday, July 21, 2006
keeping secrets..
MOOD: simply happy..MUSIC: The Reason - Hoobastank
Yeah, i know. This blog should be about my revelations, as it says in the title bar, but i guess, revelations will have to wait for some time.
There are things that i'd rather keep to myself for now. Not that i'm being selfish or anything. I really am dying to share this with anyone, but, after what happened in the past, i figured that i just can't go broadcasting to the whole world what's eating me the moment i feel like it. There are things that are better left unsaid. For now, that is.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
it's not easy being me..
MOOD: full.. just had lunch..MUSIC: Because I'm a Girl - Kiss
Do you think it's easy being me? Do you think it's easy putting on the act that i do every day? I smile when all i want to do is cry. I laugh when all i want to do is die. I want to tell everyone how my world falls apart each night, when i am laying in bed, with tears in my eyes, pleading with God to help me. I want to let everyone know what it is like to be me, pretending to be happy, pretending to be myself. If it was up to me, i wouldn't be pretending. I would actually be happy. Too bad i'm really not.
No, this is not really about me. I just read this somewhere, and it kinda struck a chord. If my situation were different from what it is now, i probably would have been able to relate with this. But no. Definitely not about me. Nice quote though.
Monday, July 17, 2006
a weekend treat..
MOOD: still hang up on the weekends..MUSIC: I Saw the Sign - Ace of Base
Weekend came and went. It's back to work again. But honestly, i'm still hang up on everything that happened this past weekend. Yup, it was Radix' 13th Anniversary Celebration, an outing in a nice place in Bucal(?), Laguna, a place called BluSyl. The bus left Manila at around 8am, on Saturday, and we got to Laguna at a little past 9. Mabilis din naman ang biyahe. Pagdating dun, everybody got settled into their respective rooms. After i dropped my bag off, i went out to the hall, and saw everyone grabbing a quick breakfast of bread and coffeee and whatever. I found Arjay, and after we got our food, we sat ourselves on one of the tables that had one familiar face, Caryl. At that moment, thankful ako that Allan invited Arjay and me to join them for lunch last Friday. At least, i met Caryl.
We haven't been seated for a long time yet, when this guy to my right began talking to us. His name, i found out, was Alex. Naipakilala na siya noon ni Allan sa amin, kaso medyo limot ko na rin. A little while later, these guys, JR and Jec, started noticing us too. I didn't know then, that for the rest of that outing, i(we) will be hanging out with them.
A game of Taboo started a little after 10, where i was able to participate. Arjay and i were on different teams, magka-team pa sila ni Allan, and it was their team that won. Another trivia game came up afterwards, and we just watched the other players. Before lunch, Caryl joined us, and we played several rounds of Uno. By lunch time, the guys were back and shared the table with us again. It was after lunch that Arjay and i decided to mingle, and followed the guys off to the billiards table. We watched for a while, until Allan invited Caryl and me for a round of videoke. Arjay was left behind to play with the guys. He followed with the videoke a little while later. In fairness, napakanta ko siya, and to his credit, may boses naman. Promise.
The big bosses took over the mic after some time, and we went back to the billiards hall to the guys. There, we found Jec drinking his heart away. He offered me a glass of a Fundador/Emperador looking liquid, and i hesitantly took and drink it. Later, he told me that it was lambanog from Quezon. It was my first time to taste something like that, and though i could say it didn't taste bad, i don't think i'd try it again. Mapait lalo't water lang ang chaser. After three to four sips, i was already feeling dizzy. They offered me some more, pero i asked the other guys to take my tagay. Sabi ko, delikado pag nakarami ako. Hehehe. Jec and Alex, as i learned after a while, can both speak Ilocano, so i finally felt comfortable with them. Can-relate eh. To wash of the drunkeness that i think i have, sumama na rin ako nung nagkayayaan ng mag-swimming. Arjay excused himself and went to take a nap, while Caryl was nowhere in sight. So again, i was left with the guys.
We weren't really swimming at all. We just sat on one side of the pool, and got to know each other better. Actually, they already knew each other since they belonged to the same batch of trainees at Radix last year. We got along pretty well, and before i knew it, i was already goofing around with them. We cracked jokes, and teased each other. They told me stories about their work and their batch, while they asked me about our internship and school. A little sharing and bonding time with them, it felt good. And, take note, mas matatanda sila kesa sa akin. Puro 'kuya'.
A little before six, Sir Vic called everyone out of the pool for a game of Bingo. Me, the guys, Arjay and Caryl were once again seated at one table. We had two Bingo cards each, but unfortunately, neither of us won any round. Nagkakabiruan na nga kung sino raw ba ang may balat sa puwet sa amin eh. Tapos, nung last game na, block-out round, I-17 na lang ang kulang ko, Bingo na ako. Sir Alex asked kung may namumuro na raw ba sa I. Um-oo ako, pati yung isa pang lalaki sa kabilang mesa. I waited for I-17 to be called. Then when I-16 was said, this guy from the other table jumped and shouted Bingo!. You could just imagine how i looked like when i heard that. Tahimik tuloy ako nung dinner, pero syempre, not because i lost. Wala lang akong maisip na sabihin.
After nun, nagkayayaan uli mag-videoke. Ang mga lalaki, di ko in-expect, marurunong palang kumanta. Oldies pa nga eh. In fairness, may tono. After magpakasawa, swimming uli. I didn't want to get wet again, kahit medyo damp pa ako, so Arjay and i just sat at the kiddie pool's edge, while they swam. Maya-maya, kumuha na si Alex ng San Mig Light at San Miguel Beer sa fridge, and we drank again. Di ko naman naubos yung Light ko, and Jec finished it for me. Afterwards, nagtimpla na lang kami ni Arjay ng kape, and went to watch the guys swim again, this time at the deeper pool. Nagkuwnetuhan na lang uli kami. Tungkol san? Of course, ang favorite topic namin. Hahaha.
Before two, we packed ourselves in, and slept until a little after 5am. After a quick breakfast, we were on our way back to Manila. Like the day before, isang oras din lang ang biyahe. Di nga lang namalayan kasi tulog kami for most of the trip. Puyat-puyat eh. Pagbaba ng Radix, i didn't see any more of the guys, which was better. Feeling ko kasi, parang ang hirap mag-goodbye. Eto na nga ba yung sinasabi ko eh. Ayaw kong napapalapit at gumagaan ang loob ko sa mga taong pansamantala ko lang makakasama. Haaay! Nwei, i've emailed Alex already, and i hope we become good friends.
So there. A lengthy recap of Saturday and Sunday. Not much kuwento about yesterday, kasi pagdating ko ng bahay ng 8:30 am, plakda agad ako sa kama, and slept until 7 in the evening. Haba ng tulog noh? Bawi lang. Tapos eto, back to work na naman. Parang ang hirap magtrabaho after mag-relax. Sana relax na lang lagi. Hehehe. Wish ko lang.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
sweet, sweet thoughts..
MOOD: better, i guess..MUSIC: Out of Reach - Gabrielle
BOY: I need someone to talk to.
GIRL: I'm always here for you.
BOY: I know.
GIRL: What's wrong?
BOY: I like her so much.
GIRL: Talk to her.
BOY: I don't know. She won't ever like me.
GIRL: Don't say that. You're amazing.
BOY: I just want her to know how I feel.
GIRL: Then tell her.
BOY: She won't like me.
GIRL: How do you know that?
BOY: I just can tell.
GIRL: Well, just tell her then.
BOY: What should I say?
GIRL: Tell her how much you like her.
BOY: I tell her that daily.
GIRL: What do you mean?
BOY: I'm always with her. I love her.
GIRL: I know how you feel. I have the same problem, but he'll never like me.
BOY: Wait, who do you like?
GIRL: Oh, some boy.
BOY: Oh. She won't like me either.
GIRL: She does.
BOY: How do u know?
GIRL: Because, who wouldn't like you?
BOY: You.
GIRL: You're wrong, I love you.
BOY: I love you too.
GIRL: So, are you going to talk to her?
BOY: I just did.
So there, nakahanap na ako ng pambawi sa previous entry ko. It's nice to know things could end in a positive note pala. I found(read) both entries in a Friendster bulletin.
stupid thoughts..
MOOD: sleepy, so early in the day..MUSIC: Dreams - The Cranberries *midi*
BOY: I saw her today.
GIRL: I saw him today.
BOY: It seems like it's been forever.
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares.
BOY: She looks better than before.
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him.
BOY: I asked her how things were going.
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend.
BOY: I'd choose her over any girl i'm with.
GIRL: He's probably really happy right now.
BOY: I couldn't look at her without starting to cry.
GIRL: He couldn't even look at me.
BOY: I told her I miss her.
GIRL: He doesn't mean it.
BOY: I meant it.
GIRL: He didn't mean it.
BOY: I love her.
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend.
BOY: I held her for the last time.
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug.
BOY: Then I went home and cried.
GIRL: Then I went home and cried.
BOY: I lost her.
GIRL: I still love him.
What if this happened to you? Lungkot noh? Minsan kasi, may mga bagay talaga na dapat sinasabi na. Para malinaw. Para walang left in the dark. Nang walang wasted time and love, just because of unspoken truth, hidden feelings, and concealed emotions.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
on my own..
MOOD: okay lang..MUSIC: Til I Hear It From You - Gin Blossoms
On my own (pretending he's beside me). I bet, kung alam mo ang kantang ito, napasabay ka. Nwei, yup, i'm on my own, here at work, that is. Arjay has got somewhere to go, and is coming in a little after lunch. Basically, i'm by myself, continuing the web pages we've started yesterday.
It has been raining hard this morning. May bagyo ata. Bagyo, hindi tornado, as some poeple claim. Flood almost everywhere. Parang ang sarap mag-stay home at matulog. Ang kaso, i need to come to work, dahil kung hindi, mas tambak ang trabaho bukas kung nagkataon. Walang gagawa eh.
Medyo bored na rin ako. Wala akong makausap. Buti na lang all these work's keeping me busy and all. Okay na rin naman kahit paano. Naaliw din naman ako sa mga nag-flood ng tagboard ko, at sa mga nagcomment sa iba kong posts.
Nga pala, to those wondering kung para kanino yung poem sa previous entry, wala lang yun. *foolish grin on my face* Hehehe. I got inspired by one poem i read in a thread in praning. Yun.:D
Monday, July 10, 2006
my love story..
MOOD: inspired kuno..MUSIC: You're Beautiful - James Blunt *midi*
with all these thoughts of you
wondering if you're okay
are you thinking of me too?
i wish i'm there beside you
or maybe just read your mind
do i have a place inside your heart
coz i sure am keeping you in mine..
it bothers me why i feel this way
there are things now i just can't say
wish i've known this from the very start
i'm left again with a troubled heart..
i thought things are easy, yet i'm struggling
tried hard to resist it, yet i'm falling
i thought i'm okay, yet i feel like dying
is this my love story, without a happy ending?
Sunday, July 09, 2006
5 months and counting?
MOOD: still up and awake..MUSIC: Mockingbird - Eminem *midi*
It has been five months (kahapon) since that day. I don't even know why i'm still bothering to write about this. Siguro, dahil na-windang lang naman ako sa text ni Irish kanina, hapi monthsary?. Siguro din, dahil wala lang akong maisulat na matino, kaya eto na lang ang naisip kong topic (and since very timing naman din).
Wala lang. Di na ako affected, and yeah, i guess it helped that i haven't seen him at all for the past two and a half months. Wala na nga ata talaga yung dating nararamdaman ko for him. Ka-text ko kanina si Augz, and never did i ask how he (not Augz) was, not that i didn't want to. It just never entered my mind. I guess that's how unimportant *can't think of a better term, sorry* he is to me now. Kung dati, he's the first person i ask of, now, not anymore. Safe to say, he's out of the picture already, though not out of my life.
Why am i talking about him now? Wala lang. Naisip ko lang. He just entered my mind for no reason whatsoever. I could have talked about someone else, ang kaso, siya naisip ko eh. So yun. I just have to let it out.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Friday, I'm Bored..
MOOD: so gaaah!!MUSIC: Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
I've been bored out of my wits after lunch today. I wasn't doing anything, except listen to whatever's playing in my mp3. Ang sarap nga mag-MTV moment eh. Feel ko talaga. So there, i had a staring contest (to use Kai's term) with my monitor. It even turned off on me, twice or thrice, since i wasn't doing anything at all. Siguro kung enabled lang na ma-view sa YM list ko ang idle time ko, it would have displayed Idle - 48 minutes or something.
Napanis din ata laway ko, kasi busy-busyhan naman ang drama ng katabi ko, di kami nagkukuwentuhan. Wala rin akong maka-chat, kasi lahat Busy status. So yun, nagmuni-muni na lang ako. Nag-iisip kunwari. Nagpepretend na busy *with matching kunot ng noo pa* pag dumaraan yung IP namin. Gusto na ngang sumuko ng mga mata ko eh. Bored na, sleepy pa. Kaloka.
Nwei, one week na nga rin pala kami sa bago naming terminal. Left pic shows where we are now *na-extra pa si Arjay; blog ni Kai yung naka-display sa monitor ko*, right pic was where we used to be (middle row, mid PCs - bakante na siya ngayon), bottom pic - what's behind us. Yung IP namin, si Allan (who used to be stationed at my terminal), sa tapat ko, so kapag tumatayo siya, napapansin ko agad.
Weekend na naman. I hope to get enough rest for next week. Nga pala, we're going on a company outing. 13th anniv ng Radix eh, sa 15 na. Looking forward to it.
Friday, I'm In Loved..
MOOD: happy..MUSIC: Friday, I'm In Loved - The Cure
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday, you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday - watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love
Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate..
Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love..
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Girls vs Grown Women..
MOOD: yeah, okay lang..MUSIC: Sweet Thing - Nina
I read this in an email. Mukhang tama naman eh, kaya naisip ko lang i-post. If a lot of these things don't describe me, i don't know what does.
Girls leave their schedule wide open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.
Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.
Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.
Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down.
Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it--using it as a time for personal growth.
Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.
Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e. don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends!
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.
Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back and move on without bitterness.
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other grown women!
*email kasi, kaya may 'pass it on' pa talaga sa dulo.*
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
me & my big mouth..
MOOD: silence ang drama ko..MUSIC: Dreams - The Cranberries
My big mouth really gets me into trouble. Bad habit. Di ko na naman naisip yung magiging dating ng mga sinabi ko. Asar kaya. Napahamak na naman ako. Nandamay pa ako. Haaay, buhay. Parang life.
CluelessVille: re-launched..
MOOD: pretty good about myself..MUSIC: I Could Let You Love Me - The Tempramentals
And i'm back in the game.:D Missed me? Hehehe.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
no questions asked..
MOOD: kinda pissed..MUSIC: Goodbye - Juana
When i say sorry, i mean it, so don't go questioning my sincerity on that matter. I don't apologize just for the sake of it. It took me time to think things over, and realize my mistakes, and admit that i've been wrong. I say sorry, only to be rebuffed?!
Monday, July 03, 2006
updates, updates..
MOOD: feeling good, na naman..MUSIC: Don't Want You Back - Eamon
I was supposed to re-launch my blog last Saturday, but since i had no internet card, it got postponed. Last Friday evening, i used the remaining hours to email some people. Sorry, Irish. I know you were so looking forward to reading my posts.
Yesterday, i got together with Jedd and Kuya Ryan in Cubao. We had a lot of catching up, even if i last saw Jedd on May. Hey, so much could happen between then and now, right? So nwei, in Kuya Ry's case, last i saw of him was March 2003. Long ago, right? So, you could just imagine how much we missed each other. We updated each other three years worth of stories in 10 hours.
Jedd left earlier in the afternoon, but Kuya Ry and i still had so much to talk about. We ended up having dinner at KFC, where we continued talking and reminiscing and all. It was a fun day, and i regret that it had to end. Oh well, we're all here in Manila, there are still other chances.
