Tuesday, November 11, 2008
i've moved..
This may be my last post here.
I was able to import every past post to my new blog.
Come & check it out.
It had been great. Really.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 13:08
the talk/goodbye..
MOOD: kinda tired..
MUSIC: Love Song - Sara Bareilles
he said he was leaving
she asked him to stay
he told her to forget him
she answered, ‘no way’..
he started to walk away
she followed him just the same
he said there’s nothing left to say
she whispered, ‘say my name’..
he turned and saw her standing there
she looked as if she’s gonna cry
he took a step closer to her
she couldn’t look him in the eye..
he hugged her, before it was too late
she held him close and heard him sigh
he then let her go and turned away
she watched his back and whispered, ‘goodbye’..
*sometimes, all that she needs is a proper goodbye..
i've been Tin Nolasco at 20:35
これはさようならない。
MOOD: glad slash sad..
MUSIC: Graduation - Vitamin C
It had been one of the best, at the same time saddest, news I have ever received. Megz and Rose are finally going to Japan . For Megz, I know it was what he wanted for almost all his life, and I’m just so happy it’s finally come true. For Rose, always the achiever, this is the best opportunity for her to fulfill everything she wanted.
After about a month and a half, the news was finally sinking in. I was finally coming into terms that my ‘neighbors’ won’t be my neighbors anymore. For how long, I don’t know. I was getting myself used to idea, when I found out that a third person is leaving too. Kai.
That’s when it hit me. I lost to Japan . Japan single-handedly made me cry. But of course, being the big girl that I am <cue in Big Girls Don’t Cry by Fergie ü>, I learned to accept the reality. Now, I couldn’t be any happier. My friends are finally following their dreams.
Megz. I know it had been his lifelong dream to step into the Land of the Rising Sun. I’m like a proud mama seeing her son off to college. No more teddy-bear hugs in quite a long while. What used to be a Tokyo Tokyo (or Greenwich or KFC or Jollibee) dinner for two will be just for one. Til our next date. I’m so looking forward to it already.ü
Rose. She’s a step closer to reaching her goals. Our very own Little Miss Independent is spreading her wings wider and is set in proving herself to the world. I’m just filled with so much joy I could cry. God speed, and you take care, okay?ü
Kai. I always knew she’d be heading off to Japan . I just never thought it would be now. I just feel like I haven’t packed in enough memories that will last me til the next time we see each other. But then again, I know there will always be next time. Have I thanked you enough for everything? Thanks ha.ü
This one goes out to three of my closest friends who are embarking in one of their greatest journeys in life yet. Megz, Kai, Rose, this one’s for you:
私はこれがさようなら、ちょうど後で会うないことを知っている。私は運のベストをそこに有することを望む。私はことを知っている。私は確かに逃すが、覚えるために、私の中心で常に保つ。私は愛する。
i've been Tin Nolasco at 21:24
5ive boyfriend classifications..
MOOD: wala lang..
MUSIC: *blog midi*
In my parallel world and universe, I have five boyfriend classifications.
The unofficial boyfriend. The not-boyfriend boyfriend. Everybody thinks you’re still too young to get into a relationship, and yet you carry on under the pretense of a close friendship. Why not? The feelings are right. The person is perfect. The love is mutual. It just wasn’t the right time fro the rest of the world.
The peer-pressure boyfriend. Everyone else around you are pairing up. The two of you are the odd men out. In a matter of time, they all think you should hook up. You think to yourself, why not? He likes you. You think he’s nice. Might as well get it all over with and make everybody happy.
The he’s-my-destiny boyfriend. Otherwise known as the we-have-a-lot-of-things-in-common boyfriend. You share a love for music. You both enjoy being around kids. You have the same birthday. He finds you interesting. You think he’s wonderful. You found your hopeless/ful romantic match in him. And there you are, wrapped up in your match-made-in-heaven love story.
The bad-boy boyfriend. He’s everything you ever wanted. Not. He’s the antithesis everyone expects you to end up with. Your friends are wary that you’re loving dangerously. Your parents are disapproving, yet you figure, you’re big enough to know what you want. He brings out the wild, rebel girl in you. you’re both head-over-heels in loved with each other. You think to yourself, this is the most fun you’ve ever had in a relationship.
The pseudo boyfriend. Nope. Entirely different from the first classification. This time, there’s no expressive declarations of commitment. No certainty. No security. Just lots of confusing affection, and love and comfort subject for misinterpretation. A big misrepresentation of a relationship.
But hey, that's just me. What's yours?ü
i've been Tin Nolasco at 20:16
one night stand..
MOOD: contemplative..
MUSIC: Still - Freestyle
I don’t know why things happen the way they should. I wish I could explain them, but I can’t. I just wish that sometimes, when things happen, I’m not transported back to what used to be. I’m not reminded of a past I’m trying to get over. I’m not forgetting that I’m moving on.
I was watching Sex & The City, and there was this kinda cold, windy episode, wherein the guy Carrie was dating opened his coat, and Carrie snuggled to him, as he enveloped her inside. And that was the same thing a certain someone from the past did to me, back when we were just still friends. And I remembered when I told my friends about that, they all thought that it was nice and romantic, while I shrugged it off as something friendly.
Then I look back at it now. I realize that was the first and last time that had happened to me. In fact, I’ve been in and out of love and relationships, both pseudo and real, yet not one of the guys involved has done the exact same thing to me. I’d like to think that at least, that made them different from one another, proving that I don’t really have a specific type (with that I meant being choosy). But it also made me realize that, I never got to experience again the things that I found surprisingly wonderful and pleasant. Like it was just a one time thing. Some kind of a one night stand.
Like my high school sweetheart for example. He was the only one who spoiled me with gifts and letters and cards. But he wasn’t able to hug me tight yet comfortable the way my certain-someone-from-the-past did, who took care of me when I got sick, and stayed by my side while I was nursing a painful hangover headache. On the other hand, it seemed like I loved god-named special friend the longest. He knew me all too well. He made me crazy thinking about him, running through my mind for years, constantly confusing my heart.
Yet, no one has ever made me stay up late til the wee hours of the morning just talking on the phone, in fact, just staying on the phone all night, like the pseudo-boyfriend I have loved. I never thought that cheesy Tagalog love songs could be so endearing til he sang them to me. But it was with this friend-who-thought-i-was-just-that-for-him that I learned a lot. Be more accepting, open, and free-spirited. I saw how beautiful life is, even if things don’t always go the way you expect them to be.
So okay. I can’t totally say no two same things from two different guys ever happened to me. I’ve exchanged phone calls and text messages with most of them. They’ve all whispered sweet nothings and other romantic stuff to me. I’ve had my share of hugs and kisses with them. We’ve gone places where were holding hands and just having fun. In fact, I learned from each one of them.
There’s just this feeling that all they had in common were the generic stuff relationships were made of. I have enjoyed the letters and the gifts, but they all ended the day my high school sweetheart and I ended as well. After my certain-someone-from-the-past, I still got sick from time to time, but no one was taking care of me anymore.
I have been sane again after I learned to forget all about god-named special friend. There were no more phone calls keeping me up late after pseudo-boyfriend and I were over. My phone had since quieted down. Lessons and realizations have stopped consuming me since I got over my friend-who-thought-i-was-just-that-for-him.
And maybe that’s why I treated every little thing they did to me special. Maybe deep inside, I kinda knew I might never feel and experience all those mushy stuff again. I tried my best and hardest to make the moments last longer, but they were over, sooner than I expected. Maybe that’s why I have this momentary flashbacks that temporarily (mostly, for long periods of time) make me wanna turn time around and bring the things I’ve lost and miss back.
The chances of that, bringing back the past, I mean, ever happening are slim, I know. I guess that’s why I’m forever asking for that someone who would do those things, and I mean all of them, again, for me. Someone who’d remind me how great it feels like to be adored and loved and cared for. Someone who would be more than just a one night stand.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 20:06
a clean slate.. here..
MOOD: good..
MUSIC: *wala*
Nope. I'm staying here. This is home.
I figured, i can't afford setting up a new blog account again. I'll just have to fix my Multiply account up so i could post pictures whenever i feel like it.
So yes. I'm staying.
I just need to come up with decent entries to post here. Soon.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 19:27
a clean slate..
MOOD: not in the mood..;)
MUSIC: *yung midi background ng blog ko*
I'm seriously considering starting over. A clean slate.
Talked on the phone for hours with iRish last night.
Highlights? Our lovelives. Actually, the lack of it.
And as usual, several points were made, several truths realized.
And where do these ideas slash theories fit into this entry? I don't know.
I have yet to gather my thoughts, and come up with a decent, coherent post.
Til then, i'm off to another blog-hunt.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 20:07
a realization..
MOOD: hmm.. wala lang..
MUSIC: Human - 5ive
I did some thinking a little while ago, and somehow came to a realization. I guess the reason i haven't had another relationship, after a long time, is that, God couldn't lead that someone to me (or me to that someone) yet, is because He doesn't think i'm ready.
I figured, how can i ask Him for a relationship, when i can't handle my family relationships well? I lose my temper quite easily. My younger brother and i get into fights almost everyday. At times, i snap at my parents, and don't even try to hold my tongue back. When i talk to my big brother over the phone, i get impatient and don't even hide it. I play favorites with my pamangkins.
So how can i have a serious relationship when i can't even have a respectful, loving, and harmonious relationship with the people i love, my family? They love me, despite the way i sometimes treat them, but i take their love for granted.
I guess that's where i have to set things right first. My family. Then maybe, the next big thing can finally happen.
i've been Tin Nolasco at 21:40
