Clueless: My Revelations: moving on..

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

moving on..

MOOD: relieved?
MUSIC: Collide - Howie Day

I think i've finally come to my senses, and realized that it really is time to move on. After evertyhing that happened, i, and some friends, have come to a conclusion that he's not worth it, at all.

To move on, i no longer need to think of all his negativities, unlike what i've told Bhasti before. I once told myself everything will be easier if i thought bad things about him, if i notice every wrong that he does. Now, i no longer have to do that. Everything's clear. He really is not what i thought he was.

I guess i was too was blinded with our so-called relationship or pseudo-relationship or whatever you may call it. I've let my emotions get the better of me. They got in the way of rational thinking. I knew this from the very start, but i guess it just sank in now, that my friends were right after all. I was in for a big hurt.

Yes, i was happy, that's something i can't deny. But all the time? No, i don't think so. I've probably spent a good part of those times wondering what and who i really am to him. I've had long discussions with friends with whom i argued and fought my feelings with. I've had my bouts with jealousy and possessiveness, that i didn't know i was hurting people along the way.

Loving him, something that i don't regret. I just wish i had been more mature with the decisions i made, and with the way i acted and reacted to a lot of things. Bitter? Not really. Why should i, when he gave me lots of good memories that i won't easily forget. I learned a lot from the short term that it had been us. I got to know him well, and i got to know me better. If he ever loved me, i don't think i want to know now. I guess it's enough that i believed him when he said he did.

To all the people i've hurt and caused pain, i'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't know i had been hurting you. Again, I'm sorry.

To all my friends who were there for me, and still are, thank you. In all the ups and downs, thanks for putting up with me. Thanks for being there in the had-been roller-coaster ride of emotions. Thanks for being my support group, my counselling team, my ever-ready-shoulders-to-cry-on, and my emotional rantings' soundboard. Thank you for still giving me reasons to smile, when i felt i had been left with none. Simply, thank you so so so much.

i've been Tin Nolasco at 22:33

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